at my core, and I realize
this is why I will never forget you.
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140,581 Literary Works • 673,530 Reviews
You're hilarious, Brad.
I mean it in a good way
I like it, though. I really do. I don't think it's cliche, particularly. I think it's good, and I think it's poetic. I love the beginning, fitful bed thing. And I think that the ending builds very well. Not sure I love how it closes, with the "this is why I love you" thing...well, that obviously is cliche, but it fits, and the moment an artist worries about being cliche and about being a part of a community of poetry is the moment the artist starts dying.
-Psy
My sincerest apologies for posting this: it is no poetic piece. To the contrary, it dabbles in the realms of prosaic characterization at which point verse loses meaning. In a first move, this might be better read as a character report; in a second, defter move, it may be read as a general prognosis of lovers. There is nothing here, no meaning behind the words -- their meaning is, as they say on The X Files, "out there." The kernel of its truth is the "cliched" phrases which constitute its essence, but in a homologous way, it is also the weaved superficiality which denotes our own time. So while this is in fact a character description -- something more preferably suited in a vitriolic diatribe against hopeless romantics --, it is also a manifestation of its author's conscience. I mean to say, if you are looking for something here, it is only a reflection of me in all my infinite plasticity, and I apologize that this is what I have brought you.
This was too typical I felt. There was nothing glaringly cliche, but the whole piece moved together in such a way that I feel I could have read this in any decent poet's notebook--it wasn't remarkable. Otherwise, it was technically fine, as usual.
Brian
I actually liked
andI thoughtthese two parts were really effective and gave this poem a lot of strength
It was good...Not great. But good. The ending was weak though, and some of the ideas seemed badly portrayed and even weak. Cliche, in other words. Certain ones that bothered me included "breath leaving bruises" and "nebulous stare."